Heart healthy diets usually include superfoods. Here are the “super ingredients” for a healthy love life. Whether you’re searching for or involved in a loving relationship you should have the same comfortable feeling as when you’re walking in your favorite slippers. A word of caution, what looks good on paper isn’t always what’s best for you, so check out the energy when you’re together.
Ease in a relationship is critical. None of us wants to feel judged or self conscious about our every move. After all who among us hasn’t said something wrong, or gained a few pounds while on a summer vacation?
Most people are looking for their date, at least at the outset, to be fun, easy going, nonjudgmental, flexible, playful, silly and forgiving. The golden rule is applicable here, treat others the way you want to be treated.
At the beginning of a relationship, don’t put pressure on yourself or your date to determine if this is the “one”. Be realistic with your acceptable standards, so you don’t miss out on someone great. Give your date a chance, people are often nervous on a first date. Take things slowly and enjoy the moment. Ask questions and listen, you know everything you need to know about you, find out about him/her. Try to reserve judgment about your date and let it take its natural course. Don’t generalize one behavior and assume it’s the whole person.
Express gratitude for the time together. The feminine is receptive and the masculine is active. He will pursue you if interested and she will respond to you if she is. So watch the behaviors beyond the words.
As the relationship develops, you’ll begin to feel more open. There is no set time table for opening one’s heart in a relationship because an open heart generally leads one to feeling vulnerable. Pay close attention to cues about reciprocal interest and look at nonverbal behaviors, frequency of calls, future plans, meeting family members, etc. We advise our clients to look beyond the surface after several dates. A few questions to think about before you totally let your guard down. What does your gut tell you? Are there red flags you’re trying to ignore? Are you repeating old patterns? Trust is an essential factor. Does he/she generally follow through on plans, honor commitments to you and others? What is the quality of their relationships to others? Do their actions follow their words?
One of the greatest challenges our clients face is how do you know when you’re at the physical intimacy stage. Listen to yourself on this one. Don’t be pressured into going further than you’re ready to go emotionally. If your date isn’t willing to wait…that tells you something important. We have found relationships change once there’s physical intimacy. They get deeper or they fall apart. If you’re looking for that open hearted healthy connection, we suggest you take this step slowly. When you’re ready to be emotionally naked, the physical will follow. You just can’t jump start and rush into a deep connection. The rules change once you have physical intimacy. When you do, we have seen the microscope come out with concerns, worries, anxieties, like: why didn’t he call the next day, why didn’t she answer? I don’t know if I really like him/her anymore etc.
When these super ingredients for a healthy love life: timing, trust, ease, joy, verbal/nonverbal communication and intimacy, come together, you’re heart will open and you’ll find yourself in a loving heart healthy relationship.
Always open to your questions and feedback.
Dr. Nancy Gold & Barbara Black Goldfarb
Cofounders of Elegant Introductions