“Why, It’s the Hamptons of …”
By Linda Lee
Words fail them. When people are trying to describe a place with a beach, or on the water, where rich people live, or go, or have been seen, or perhaps might be convinced to go and buy a house, if they just found the right comparison, the one that seems to come to mind is “This place is the Hamptons of Wherever.”
Even if Wherever is nowhere like the Hamptons. They grasp on one small thing — food, water, sports, the rich, big houses, for some reason golf — then leap off of that to “the Hamptons.” These places have none of the qualities that make the Hamptons special. They are not near New York City, usually not on the ocean, not famous for their light, usually not filled with historic houses and places, not filled with rock stars, actors, directors, producers. TV executives and models; not a place that artists and writers and old money types have claimed for decades, a place that now draws billionaires; not a place where LVMH, Chanel, Prada, Dior, Cartier and Loewe have opened stores.
Instead we have:
The Hamptons of Texas, say Southlake, a suburb of Dallas-Fort Worth that has big houses, many of them on lakes, and promises golf courses. The pitch is that the “Southside Lake homes” are especially like the Hamptons. OK, let’s see.
This rendering of Southlake, Texas, does not look like the Hamptons. Good luck with your sales pitch.
The Hamptons of the West Coast: Malibu, California. Well, yes, but why not just call it Malibu. The movie colony was in Malibu in 1926, when the Hamptons was full of fishermen, potato farmers and people who raised ducks. It wasn’t until the 1950s that artists moved in, because it was cheap. They could rent a shack with no plumbing for $15 a month so they could paint. Malibu was way ahead. No need to borow Hamptons’ glory. And today in Malibu:
The 1928 house in the middle, with the triangular roof, is on the market: 37.5 feet of oceanfront, $20 million. It’s not the Hamptons. It’s better.
The Hamptons of California: Montecito. Ahem, maybe the Hamptons should be described as the East Coast Montecito. Here are the ga-billionaires who ruin the bell curve: Eric Schmidt (Google) Oprah, Larry Ellison (property wrapping around Montecito), Ty Warner (Beanie Babies) and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Plus celebrities like Ariana Grande, Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Cameron Diaz, and more…There are 17 Michelin-rated restaurants here or in Santa Barbara, and the usual luxury stores (Celine, Loewe, Chanel) along with the kinds of stores celebrity stylists frequent: James Perse, the Webster, Eberjay. Yes, there were the fire in 2008, and far more damaging the mudslides in January 2018. Everyone awaits the Big One. It’s California, you live life on the edge.
Montecito: who wouldn’t want to live there, if you could afford it?
The Hamptons of the Midwest: Lake Geneva, Wisconsin It has mansions built by the Gilded Age tycoons of Chicago, less than two hours away: Schwinn, Wrigley and Maytag. Current big names are thin on the ground (cool your jets, folks: Shania Twain’s Lake Geneva home is in Switzerland), except for J.B. Pritzker, the governor.
Many of the activities are built around families: boating, fishing, boat parades, boat picnics. The lake is huge, and pretty. But dining options seem somewhat Midwestern: pizza, steak houses, pizza, old places with lake views that serve walleye piccata.There is a French restaurant with a seven course tasting menu for $158, fully booked. And there is a Pizza Ranch only 11 miles away. (If you know you know.) The only upscale shopping is in consignment stores. But no sandy beaches. No nightlife. People kayak, waterski. It’s a Midwestern kind of Hamptons, allrighty.
The Hamptons of the South: Kiawah Island, South Carolina. Here is a manufactured community, gated for safety. Really gated. It was created as a community for golfers. Does that sound like the Hamptons you know? There are lots of high government officials and and former government officials here. Again, any Hamptons vibe coming at ya? If a member doesn’t play golf, there are exercise and spa facilities for spouses. The political spectrum at Kiawah seems to fall toward the right, with residents like Nikki Haley and Ty Cobb, former White House lawyer for Trump. Not exactly a Prada and beach crowd. So we are rejecting the Hamptons comparison. Liberty University might be a better match.
The Hamptons of New England: Both Martha’s Vineyard, and Nantucket, Massachusetts claim the title. But Nantucket is sleepy, small and preppy; Martha’s Vineyard is more Hamptons-like so we are going with that.
A typical Martha’s Vineyard dock. It shouts “New England.”
For starters, Martha’s Vineyard was “Amity” (widely consided to be the Hamptons) in “Jaws.” (In all of the “Jaws” movies.) It has beaches, including a black hotspot called the Inkwell, cliffs, a varied landscape, lots of weathered, shingled buildings and six towns. It has famously attracted the Obamas, the Clintons, Spike Lee, James Lapine, and Sarah Kernochan, Carly Simon, David Letterman, Steven Tyler, Michael J. Fox, and Diane Sawyer plus their houseguests.
It has sandy beaches, rich people, and dunes. What it doesn’t have is luxury shopping. There is no LVMH on Martha’s Vineyard or any international luxury store. In fact the towns rather discourage chains of any kind, preferring to support local businesses. There is a general store in West Tisbury that opened in 1858 where you can buy the basics, everything you need to go to the beach, start a barbecue, replace a lightbulb and trap a mouse. (Their attitude seems to be “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it.” Life here is pretty much on the down low, except for the “Jaws” tours and some happening parties on Inkwell Beach. Not really the Hamptons. We’d say more like “The Amity of New England.”
A typical beach in Maryland. The rope barrier, apparently, is for crowd control on holidays.
The Hamptons of the Mid-Atlantic: The Eastern Shore of Maryland offers nature, seclusion and exclusivity. Plus golf. But what they might call beaches here are more like shorelines. Boosters mention access to Chesapeake Bay, nearby forests, marshes, wildlife, migrating birds. But that’s not the Hamptons.
INTERNATIONAL “HAMPTONS” REFERENCES
The Cotswolds — Just like the Hamptons.
The Cotswolds have been called “The Hamptons of the UK.
Are those people daft? One of the most charming and unique parts of England has been called the Hamptons, why? Because rich people go there? That’s just silly and shows a shocking lack of creativity on the part of a people known for their brilliant use of English. It must have been an American who said it.
Rock, Cornwall
Plenty of sand, plenty of dunes and fish, good food, and a wee bit of rain.
Here’s another place called the”Hamptons of the U.K.”
At least this one has a beach. Rock, Cornwall, has white sand beaches and is said to be a foodie’s paradise. Whereas people used to feel sorry for British diners, food in the UK has achieved amazing heights. Michelin recognizes 17 restaurants in and around Rock, many speciallizing in seafood. The flight from London to Newquay airport (new-kee) is an hour and 15 minutes. Then it’s 40 minutes by car to Rock, making it easier to get here than to get from Manhattan to Bridgehampton. However, there is a 40 percent chance of rain in Cornwall from April through August, which puts a damper on beach-going. Local boosters recommend substituting a trip to the National Lobster Hatchery on rainy days. Note that almost all of the beaches mentioned in these alternate Hamptons allow dogs, something most (NY) Hamptons Beaches forbid.
The Hamptons of Canada: Lake Muskoka
A cottage for rent on Lake Muskoka. It sleeps ten, and rents for $56,000 a week.
The Hamptons of Canada: Lake Muskoka. Why? Celebities. Lake Muskoka is near Toronto, where movies are made, and where the annual Toronto Film Festival has introduced American and European stars to the charms of Ontario. Bonus: this heavily wooded lake area offers seclusion, the way Montana did a generation ago, but it’s also close to a major population center. Swimming in the summer. Skiing in the winter. And watching the Northern Lights.
Something you don’t see often in the Hamptons: the Northern Lights
Then there are the Canadian captains of industry and commerce who look forward to bumping into a celebrity while buying a loaf of bread. Some Canadian musicians and baseball and hockey players, throw in Connor McDavid of the Edmonton Oilers. Now we’re talking. Those who still own or who have owned luxurious lakefront “cottages” there: Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber, the Beckhams.
If anyone in one of these enormous cottages gets bored with clear lakes, tall trees and stunning sunsets, Toronto is only two hours away. That city has world class dining, shopping and culture (including the Bata Shoe Museum) with excellent flights to anywhere. Note, there are many lakes, but everyone says Lake Muskoka. It is not a sceney place. So nix on the Hamptons reference.
Finally, the Hamptons of South America
Of couse Ralph Lauren goes to the Hamptons of South America, Punta del Este, in Uruguay. Europeans may think of it as the Monaco of South America, or the Riviera of South America or the St. Tropez of South America. That’s because, to maintain their tans between Christmas and Easter they head to Punta del Este for its beach and party season.
The Monaco reference may be to the feverish nightclub scene and the casinos. Or to homes like this one, which feels like it belong somewhere around Tangiers. It was in fact hand made by a local artist and sits prominently above a beach.
Guidebooks list 40 “not to be missed” clubs and bars. Punta Del Este is not some tiny seaside town. It’s a city. And wealthy people from Venezuela, Argentina, Colombia, even Cuba have moved assets and themselves to Uruguay, which they see as a stable country in an unstable continent. It has several beaches, including one for surfers where the river meets the ocean. But it also has modern high rises, offices, hospitals, banks, hotels and government officials. It keeps a tight rein on gambling, but it has liberal social policies. So far, that has been a successful combination.
Punta del Este is a modern city, not a beach town.
What’s geat about Punta? You can do business in the morning. Go relax on the Playa Mansa and pick up an empanada and fuit drink from a vendor for lunch (everything is highly regulated), then shower, take a nap, meet friends for drinks, go dancing and have an excellent dinner at 11 pm. It’s optional to hit clubs after that or go to one of those luxurious casinos and play blackjack.
The “Dedos” or fingers, an artwork created in six days, reach out of the sand on the surfing beach. They are an instantly recognizable symbol of Punta del Este.
Shakira comes here. So do the King and Queen of Spain. (Have they visited the Hamptons recently?) Leonardo di Caprio, Naomi Campbell, the richest and actual titled of Europe’s elite. You probably would not see them. Techno is still popular. Dance scenes are mobbed. For something quieter you might want try the Cottswolds.
Food freaks have their own reason to come to Punta del Este, It;s the only way to get to Pueblo Garzon. They treat the road to get there like the Camino de Campostela. At the end of it is a restaurant run by the Argentine chef Francis Mallmann. He was trained in the techniques of fine French cooking, and served in several notable kitchens. But he threw all of that away to return to the kind of cooking he did growing up. Diectly on the fire.
Chef Francis Mallman. Cooking with fire.
So he is their Ina Garten, Martha Stewart and Wolffer rolled into one. Far from being a recluse, he designed the food and the “living fire” experience for Gwyneth Paltrow’s wedding to Brad Falchuk. He advises companies on menues, restaurant design, napkins, pottey. He lives in the village of Garzon where he runs a small restaurant and has a winery. His fine wines are labeled “Garzon.’
I think we can say we are proud to have Punta del Este be called the “Hamptons of South America.” Agreed?
