So you have fallen for someone wonderful at a friend’s party in the Hamptons a few weeks ago. With the carefree days of summer and relaxed attitudes your guard is down, you’re more open and available. In fact your new interest is so different from your “typical”. What to make of it? Is it real or just a summer fling?
So, you dive in, the water is warm and you’re having a summer romance.
Oh no, what now? Will it last beyond the summer?
Do I want it to? Do they want it to? Is it real?
Just a few thoughts:
To start, let’s dig a little deeper to get to know each other in a meaningful way. Like what you ask? What do they care about? What do they love to do? What is family life for them? What makes them happy? What’s their political ideology and core values. How does alll of this fit with you? Is it physical? Is it companionship? Is it an emotional connection? Do they challenge you and stimulate you intellectually?
It’s important not to overlook red flags. We often turn a blind eye to red flags thinking, “it’s is not such a big deal” or”why am I being so picky”? Or: this is such fun why should I look so deeply?
Pay close attention to communication changes: Frequency of calls, texts, response time, time together, these are vital signals to let you know if the romance fizzling out or working well for either of you. Has the way of connecting changed recently? Has interest waned? Or peaked? Ask yourself, “Am I getting what I want and need?”
Next be realistic in your expectIons. While you may be ready and willing to embrace your new romance, it may be more realistic to take it slow without too many demands. Enjoy the moment and be optimistic with some realism mixed in.
One good indicator if the relationship will continue is if you are talking about any future plans together. Have you talked about holidays? Future trips? Goals? Family meetings? Ideas for future travel, what places do they dream of visiting? Dream away together, it’s fun and bonding to fantasize your future time together.
Maybe spend a weekend together and see how you do in “real life” as a couple. The easiest way to go beyond the summer glow is to enjoy some real time together for a few days. Making decisions together, where to go, what to do, with whom, when, etc. This gives you a good idea of how you work as a team.
Finally take time for yourself and stay grounded. Keep a positive attitude. Happy is infectious. Keep yourself involved in what helps you stay happy, healthy and grounded. Exercise, read, relax, visit friends, etc. Sometimes diving into a relationship head first leaves us ungrounded and confused. Chemistry can burn out leaving one feel empty and lonely.
The bottom line is to dig a little deeper, pay attention to details beyond the fun and frolic of summer. Only time will tell if your summer romance will grow into true companionship and a real connection or a time-limited wonderful experience.
In the meantime, enjoy your summer!
Dr. Nancy Gold and Barbara Black Goldfarb
Visit us at Elegant Introductions